


sleepless night

by amybri2002



Series: pride month!!! [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, Questioning Sexuality, Teen!Virgil, janus is best stepdad :), momceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24589798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002
Summary: Virgil can’t sleep, filled with confusion over what his crush on a boy means. His stepdad, Janus, is here to help.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: pride month!!! [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769050
Comments: 8
Kudos: 142





	sleepless night

**Author's Note:**

> day seven of pride prompts! today’s prompt is ‘confusion’. this was very fun for me to write haha, hope y’all enjoy~

Virgil laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. It didn't make sense. _None_ of this made any sense. He was trying, trying so hard to _understand_ what was going on in his brain, but...

Ugh. He glanced over at his clock - well past midnight. He really should have been sleeping. But no, he was just lying in his bed, trying to make sense of the world, of himself, launching himself deeper and deeper into a crisis, and he couldn't for the life of him think of a way out of this. He just wanted to _stop_ thinking, give himself chance to breathe. 

He tossed and turned in his bed, trying to get his mind to shut up and will himself to sleep, but to no avail. Eventually, he sat up and turned on his light, figuring if he wasn't going to sleep he might as well do _something_ useful. He moved over to his desk and began to draw - his therapist had recommended that to him, just doodling without thinking about it too much, without worrying whether the drawing was 'good'. It was suppose to relieve stress, or calm him down. However, glancing down at the drawing, he didn't grow any calmer. 

It was that guy again. From his maths class, the guy who sat near him - Virgil didn't know his name. He always found himself staring at this guy, and- and recently the guy had been showing up more, in his mind and in his dreams. Virgil wanted to talk to him, to hold him, to-

No. No, he didn't want that. He didn't want to _kiss_ the guy. He couldn't - they were both boys, that wasn't how things _worked_. He was just- just making things up, probably. _Eventually_ there'd be a _girl_ who made him feel the same things, right? Yeah, there must be. Surely.

He teared the drawing up and threw it in his bin, moving back towards his bed again. This wasn't working. Maybe- Maybe he just needed to sleep. Yeah, sleep sounded good. He turned his light off again and laid back down, closing his eyes and... 

Ugh. This _still wasn't working_. He turned his light back on.

There was a gentle knock on the door. Alarmed, Virgil pulled his quilt over himself and pretended to sleep again, as someone opened the door and walked in, sitting down on his bed.

"Virgil, my darling, I know you're awake," a voice said, as a hand began to slowly stroke his shoulder, comfortingly.

Sighing, Virgil sat up. It was his stepdad - Janus. He still wasn't sure what his mother saw in this guy, always out late and never really doing much for the family. But there wasn't really anywhere to escape to.

"Are you alright, Virgil?" Janus asked, moving closer.

Virgil did nothing. He stared down at his sheets.

"Is there something bothering you?" Janus hummed. "Perhaps we should schedule an appointment with Dr Picani sooner-"

"No," Virgil said. "You don't have to do that. I'm fine."

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Then why are you up at two in the morning?"

Was it really already two in the morning? Virgil fiddled with his fingers. "Couldn't sleep," he said, quietly.

"Want to talk about it?" 

Virgil hesitated. In truth, yes, he did, he very much wanted to talk about it. He wanted to know what was _wrong_ with him, and maybe asking an adult would help him understand. But at the same time, he could harm his already iffy relationship with his stepdad. He didn't exactly... trust Janus, not just yet. And what if this was _really_ bad? What if Janus hated him for it? 

"You can talk to me, y'know," Janus said. "I don't bite."

Virgil breathed in. His relationship with Janus already sucked, so... he supposed he had nothing to lose. "I'm... I was thinking. A little too much, I think. I don't know. It's..."

After a few moments of silence, Janus said, "Go on."

"I want to kiss a guy," Virgil murmured. "Is... Is that weird?"

There was a long silence between them. Virgil had fucked up, he was sure of that. He kept his eyes locked on the sheets below him, until Janus reached over and tilted up his head with his fingers, forcing Virgil to look him in the eye.

"Virgil, honey, that isn't weird at all," he said, softly. "I want to kiss guys too, sometimes. I have, in the past, actually."

Virgil blinked. "But- But you and my mom-"

"I'm bisexual," Janus stated.

Virgil frowned. "What's... What's that?"

Janus glanced around the room, before withdrawing his hand and shuffling even closer to Virgil. "I'm attracted to both boys and girls, and everything in between," he said. "Like, I'll date either, I'm not picky."

Virgil's eyes drifted back down to his bed. "You can do that?"

Janus nodded. "Yeah. A lot of people are like that. Do you think you're-"

"I've never wanted to date a girl," Virgil said. "I... I kind of thought I just hadn't found the right one yet. But then this guy..."

Janus hummed. "Perhaps you're gay, then."

Virgil stiffened. "What?"

"You know, homosexual, attracted to-" 

"I thought that was just an insult," Virgil said. "Everyone at school-"

"People who use 'gay' as an insult are idiots," Janus said, a hint of anger in his voice. "All 'gay' means is that you're attracted to people who have the same gender as yourself."

Virgil blinked. "Oh." 

"Do you... think that fits you?" Janus wondered.

Virgil picked at his bedsheets. "Maybe? Kinda. I don't know. This is the first time I've ever been attracted to _anybody_ , let alone..." He trailed off.

Janus smiled. "Well, there are plenty of other labels out there," he said. "I can help you search, if you like. Or, of course, if you don't want to label yourself you don't have to. Just... know that it's perfectly normal to experience attraction towards guys, yeah? And if one day you come home with a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend, I'm not going to judge."

A small smile broke out on Virgil's face. That... That did make him feel a little better. "Could you help?" he requested. "I... If there's other stuff I could be I'd like to know my options."

Janus nodded. "Of course. But first you should sleep. I can help you out in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," Virgil breathed. He laid back down, snuggling up to his quilt and feeling a lot better than earlier in the night. Janus smiled at him a while longer, before standing up and turning off the light, closing the bedroom door gently. Virgil finally drifted off to sleep.


End file.
